The Birth - Part 2

September 2013 is here, and with it comes Spring and the feeling of promise of something new that is to come. With that picture in mind it feels befitting to continue our story where we left off... D-day arrived and it was time for our little love bundle to make his appearance!

Continuing from the previous blog, we were now in theater. The BIG DAY was finally here, 10 months and 6 days later.

After the epidural, I felt very strange. That's me there on the left looking like I am about to faint. The medication was definitely starting to work, my lower body was feeling numb, and I found it increasingly difficult to breathe. It felt like I had an out of body experience where I had no control over any functions. I needed to shift all my focus to breathing. Perhaps this can be contributed to my constant low blood pressure, or perhaps my nerves and the fact that Günther was not yet in the room with us because I was starting to panic that they might start without bringing him in. Throughout the entire procedure of prepping for the opt, the anesthesiologist stayed with me and assisted to keep me calm and focused on breathing. Finally they sent for Günther who joined at this stage again, and that is all I needed. My soulmate back by my side :) Breathing was still a struggle, but I felt at ease and ready for anything.

We were delayed at this stage, although I had no idea how late it was. I felt tucking and pulling, but no pain whatsoever. The lower part of my body was shielded from me so that I could not see anything. Little did anyone know though, was that I could watch in an almost crystal clear image albeit somewhat lopsided, what was happening in the big round metal light above me. But I concentrated on breathing and staying calm. And there it was, everyone rushing around excitedly around our little (or big as we were soon to learn) bundle of joy. It felt like forever until we heard our angel cry but when he did, both our eyes filled with tears. WELCOME to the world Keyan Adendorff! Günther rushed over to see what the Pediatrician and everyone was doing. And once a little cleaned, they brought him to me and there he finally was, lying on my chest. Really beautiful, a perfect something of everything. Loads of hair, a perfect nose, hands, feet, just everything perfect. I was completely overwhelmed with all my feelings, and exhausted at the same stage.

 




















I had only a little bit of time with our baby before they had to take him away again for all the measurements, and so on, but his dad stayed with him. The unfortunate thing about a C-Section is that one needs to be "closed up" again and since it is a full on operation, the vitals need to be monitored for about an hour afterwards. So while Günther went off with Keyan to bond and "Kangaroo" him, I went to the recovery room. This must have felt like the longest period of the whole birth experience. All I wanted to do was get back to my new little family and make sure my Button is OK! 

Once I was back in my room, Günther came in with Keyan in his arms and once reunited, nothing else mattered. ♥ In that moment, time could go stand still for all I cared! We called the grandparents with the wonderful news and yes, this possibly was the best day of our lives! 

Only a bit later did we realize you were born/landed at 07h47am, in true airline style  :) (Boeing 747) 


Some more photo's and stats around Keyan's weight, height and other numbers in the next post to follow. 

Until then, Cheerio

The Birth - Part 1

I would like to start out by telling you that often I have these fleet moments of clarity and excitement where new topics come up by me and I realize I MUST share this with my bloggers, so I immediately jot it down so that I won't forget it. As I'm noting these down I already start formulating a basic structure by identifying 4-5 main points around this idea that I want to incorporate into my blog. I might as well add that as I officially start to write on the topic, I find I have a million thoughts racing through my mind all at once like an avalanche and I always end up typing away like a mad person trying to catch up to my thoughts. Sometimes I stop and glance back and it seems without structure, so I truly hope it somehow has some rhythm to it and makes sense to some of you. Take for instance the topic around birth...I started out as per normal and planned to write about certain points, but as I started to blog about them I ended up adding more points and finding things that I felt is essential to add for the readers. As I was about halfway with this article, I realized I will not be able to fit all into just one blog. Therefore please find part 1 of 2 or maybe 3 below :)

Our original birth plan was not very original or elaborate. The plan was a straight forward natural birth. We did not want to experiment with water birth, hypnosis, Lamaze breathing or other weird and wonderfuls. We wanted a normal birth where both of us could be present to share the magnificent moment of our baby finally joining our family. We wanted to both be there to share in the moment and the experience of seeing our son the first time and afterwards holding and kissing him and cuddling him as well for the very first time.

Upon our last check up, the gynecologist told us that a natural birth did not seem possible as Keyan still had not "dropped", moved down in the birth channel, and the amniotic fluid/water was now starting to get too little to sustain Keyan. It was becoming too dangerous to wait any longer. She proposed if we really wanted to, we could wait one more day at most, and then if there was still no signs of arrival, we had no choice but to opt for a Cesarean section. OK, so we had one more day we thought, and were hopeful but started to make peace with the idea that natural birth might not be happening. Now as you all know already from past blog articles, I am a serial "planner and researcher" and having only 2 days time to look into this new option of giving birth was a little scary for me. Insane in fact :) {{but I also believe I can do anything I set my mind to}}. At this time, we were 40 weeks and 4 days pregnant, so 4 days overdue and Günther had made a Christmas-bed* in-front of the TV for me to just relax. The Christmas-bed* tradition has become a very popular tradition in the Adendorff house and any opportunity is used to bring out the bed. Whether it is one of us being sick, a short vacation or urgent recuperation needed, it is awesome :) So here, between snoozing, eating and watching some TV, I was looking into the topic in more detail.

What was even more daunting to me, was that I needed to check into the hospital one night before the planned and scheduled C-section the following morning at 07h00. I would have to stay there without Günther or Toffee. The next evening arrived and still no sign of Little Mr so I grabbed my overnight bag with all essentials which had been packed weeks prior and we were on our way to drop off Toffee at Ouma Nellie's house. Big tears followed as we were back in the car. Toffee had been following me EVERYWHERE and "protecting" me and the belly at all times. He was too cute. Always lying on top of my tummy. We call him our furry son because he is really just that. But how Toffee and Pippi were chosen and joined our family is another story for another time ;)

So once at the hospital, that awful, empty feeling was not going away. Günther came with me and helped set everything up in the hospital. Water jug, earphones, Mommy in Pajamas and I was set for the night. I planned to just sleep and get the night over and done with. Günther was on his way home with clear orders {{he is an absolute night owl}} to go sleep and be fresh, ready, on time and back by 06h00 to help calm my nerves. Little did I know that a million and one tests and preparations were still ahead for me, making me even more nervous. Blood pressure, stress test for the baby, forms to fill out, signatures to be given etc etc. Then finally I was left in peace. There was already another mommy with a baby in the room and it was strange to hear that little quivering voice cry in the middle of the night. I was happy to be able to doze off in between my nerves getting the better of me but by 04h00 I just could not sleep anymore. I watched some random movie, a heavy drama and finally, I could hear the nurses starting to make their rounds again. Every now and then, when I thought of what was about to happen, my heart would skip a beat. After what felt like eternity since I had said goodbye the night before, Günther arrived back at the hospital and I instantly became calm and ready again.


We had to prepare and dress in hospital gowns and finally the time was here. We had chosen an epidural (spinal block) and this was the only place Günther was not allowed to accompany me to. By now I not only had butterflies in my stomach, but airplanes were circling and wanting to come in for the landing due to my nerves reaching a climax. I had on purpose not done too much research on this as I am very scared of needles and injections. To my surprise and very welcomed, my gynie came and joined this process and held me as the anesthesiologist did the four step process. 1) You sit on the edge of the bed and someone holds you (in this case someone I knew :) 2) the area where the needle will go in the back is numbed 3) The needle as big as a fire hose gets inserted 4) The line is inserted into the needle, which transports the ongoing medication into your body to numb the lower body. That's it. If you have a very good anesthesiologist, they will walk you through everything and make you feel comfortable. I can confirm I did have a weird feeling when they performed this process, but honestly now in hind sight, do not remember much of that part anymore. 

From here, we were wheeled into theater, a small room with many bright and blinding lights....

to be continued :) 

*Christmas-bed: a Tradition that my husband brought into our family, which originated from his childhood days, where they would carry their bed's mattress to the living room in front of the TV and make a bed there in order to relax in comfort whilst enjoying the entertainment on TV etc.

Pregnancy - The third and final trimester

Me at the end, I wasn't joking when I said HUGE

The last stretch lies ahead. By now I was loving my pregnant belly, and the fact that people would let me go to the front of lines, or would get up to let me have a seat, pick up things I might have accidentally dropped on the ground and just being nicer and friendlier in general was amazing. {{You do not understand, I was HUGE and am sure many people thought there must be more than one in there}} I loved feeling you kick and move all the time, but overall you remained a calm little angel and slept a lot and had many hiccups. I loved to sleep and eat all the time too. Your dad persistently states that I violently started to snore, but I will deny this for life ;) Sweet and hot flavors remained popular. At the end I had very swollen feet, so swollen, that I could no longer wear closed shoes. My boss was so kind and gave me a pair of bigger flip flops she still had from her wedding favors and I received special permission to wear these daily. :) Imagine that! And in winter too! Your were my internal heater as I never got cold.

Your dad was just as excited and it felt like forever until we would finally meet you. We also finally found a birth class that would be held in a single session on a Saturday and not be spread over many weeks. It is very tough for us to attend anything during the week as we spend about 3 hours alone in traffic to a from work each day and only get home around 19:00 in the evening. By this time we are normally exhausted and do not feel like socializing or attending training classes with anybody as it would just require more than we could give. So I was excited to find this workshop and booked us straight away. We had not created our birth plan yet; just knew we would like natural birth at the Panorama Mediclinic. One does not learn breathing during pregnancy classes (Lamaze classes) like one sees in all the movies, in actual fact, if I think back now, I do not think I learned all that much at all and would not recommend any one else attending. I am not sure if this is because I researched a lot of topics at length on my own or whether this class was really created for parents with absolute no knowledge. I did enjoy the time with your dad however and just focusing on the topic for the morning, so I guess each one should decide for themselves. 

The other very exciting thing was that we were eagerly preparing your room for your arrival. Painting, decorating (a colorful jungle theme), buying furniture, bedding, baby monitor, toys, clothes and so on. This is when your daddy stumbled across the famous rabbit aka “Dr. Snuggles” whom you now drag around with you on his ear and cannot sleep without. We worked on your room all the way until the last weekend before your arrival, adding the final touches. I remember sticking your glow in the dark stars to the ceiling right at the end. 

Toffee still being a wee little puppy himself, had integrated very nicely and was protecting me at all costs. He slept on top of my tummy and I am sure could hear you inside of me. The fact that I could not sleep long stretches anymore {{ I firmly believe this is natures way of preparing a mother for what is to come }} helped nicely with potty training Toffee. We were up every 3 hours, learning to pee outside on the grass and not on the carpets inside. And yes, you kept me nice and warm as it is no joke out there in the middle of winter. And after just 3 weeks, little Toffee knew his business belonged outside. 

We were now getting to a stage where you were getting bigger and walking was becoming uncomfortable for me, but I still loved every second. We now had to see the doctor every week for a check up to see whether the amniotic fluid was still sufficient for our little man or whether they would need to schedule emergency C-section. The Dr predicted you would weigh at least 3.8kg, which by most accounts meant HUGE! I planned my last day with my boss and this was 1 day before your due date, 28 July 2012!!! Little did we know that you were enjoying it inside so much that you decided to let us wait another week! Hehe. You also did not "drop" or descend downwards, meaning that we were not able to have your birth naturally. We waited and waited until the last end. In between we did stress tests, to ensure you were doing well while we were going over the full term. On our last visit, our Gynie could now see that the fluid was getting too little and calcification of the placenta was just starting to take place. So intervention was needed and we had to plan the Caesarean section for the 03rd of August. Man o man, all our plans out the window, and we all know how I feel about planning things. We had done all shopping for energy snacks etc for your dad and I to keep going through impossible hours of labor, had our bags packed, Toffee sorted and all was ready to go. And now we had to rethink it all... 
 
But more of that up next. The Birth!

Blog Photo Attribution: By Alex Derr, alex1derr 
Blog Photo 2 Attribution: By itsjustlo


 

Parents make better leaders in business

Parents make better leaders in business....I have been thinking about this little statement for some time now. Yes, it is probably a controversial one, but the more I think about it, the more I find it to be true. I am sure some readers will take offense and might  completely disagree with me, but give me a chance and hear me out before deciding for yourself. I am not saying childless leaders are bad leaders, I am saying that leaders with children are better at their jobs.

Before I became pregnant, I was an absolute workaholic. I did not know the difference between home time and work time, or how to switch off my mind after hours and actually led a very unhealthy, unbalanced lifestyle. During my pregnancy, my husband urged me to take it easy and to start thinking and acting for two instead of just myself. I found a perfect way to get all my daily work done before going home and was able to fully concentrate on myself, our baby and my health at home. In the beginning, I did not really have a choice in the matter as any pregnant person will know, that staying up and awake past 21h00 in the first and last trimester is almost impossible :)

This did not mean that I worked less hard, with less passion or did not enjoy my job as much as I did before. Not at all! But there are 7 things one does learn during pregnancy and actually more once the little one has joined your world, that cannot be taught elsewhere:

1. Empathy -  While all people can display empathy, there is nothing more genuine and sincere than someone that actually does understand the situation you are faced with. Whether it be another runny nose and the little one that does not want to settle at daycare, or perhaps lice {{still have not had this yet, thank goodness}}, or yet another infectious bug of sorts or that necessary pediatrician appointment or your baby's next scheduled vaccinations. People with children cannot understand the same way and show the same emotions associated with taking care of children. As a mother in a leadership role myself, I have come to find myself similarly showing more compassion and understanding for my employees and their situations, hopefully making that heartfelt difference. 
2. Efficiency - This goes back to the point I already touched on. Previously I would plan my day in an open fashion because I could always go home and finish things there, but as a mother you learn that you can no longer do this, and so you learn to work in a much more effective, structured and efficient manner, ensuring all is done before home time.
3. Multitasking - Oh yes, any parent that says they know how to multitask before children has no idea. Making a coffee, lunch, washing or anything for that matter with a baby on the hip, with only one hand becomes second nature. I might go as far as calling it an actual form of art. And this frame of mind is easily brought into the workspace. I can do ANYTHING and all at once at work too :)
4. Fast Paced - Yes, nothing will ever be the same again. No late sleep ins, lazy brunches, slow reads, well not for now anyway. And that is absolutely OK and I would not change a thing. But what it does teach one is to adapt, to do things quick and fast and plan one after the other.
5. Work Life Balance - Yes, finally, one is able to find a well balanced and rounded life. It is so vitally important to work at work and live life at home. And you will be surprised once you do apply this, how much you actually work more when working less hours. Less is more, and more is less. Ever heard that famous saying? I certainly learned that 10 years into my career. Encourage your employees to do the same and you will find much happier and healthier staff. 
   
6. Delegation - This one has always been a difficult one for me. A personal point of development for years already. {{And why would I want to take a risk in my employees, probably not delivering the same standard that I deliver and have a low quality output? }} Well, if it is one thing you would have learned from reading the above by now, time is limited and a real luxury so delegation becomes essential in the process of continuing a successful career. And can I tell you, it is so very rewarding! Yes, it might be a little labor intensive, but the job satisfaction you create for your direct employees is phenomenal. There is nothing better than to see your team grow and develop and receive a thank you for the opportunity too. Indeed, there is no I in Team.
7. Learning to say no - Again something I was not able to do before parenthood. I took on everything and anything and ended up with a huge pile of additional work. I love projects and getting involved in background work and it is possible to continue doing so, but one needs to be selective and just cannot except all of it. Learning to say no when no more is possible is not as hard as I thought and instead of having 10 uncompleted tasks, I am now able to start and finish tasks, one after the other. 
8. Learning to cope - Once a parent, especially of a newborn, you learn to cope with little sleep, sometimes even to a stage of sleep deprivation, you develop maternal instincts, you become tougher, you are selfless, you learn to COPE with all  situations. This is a life skill that no one can teach and these instincts only develop and appear once you have children. So no matter how tough it gets, you will cope in every given situation.

There are in fact many more, negotiation, patience, understanding and the list goes on and on. I am sure many of you will now wonder why these skills are uniquely learned with children and I am trying to think how one can best describe it to non-parents, for the lack of a better word. And it is actually very simple. Some things can be learned, some things can be read up on, some things can be learned via You Tube or Google, but nothing can be incorporated better into one's life in both work and home situations then instincts and real live learnings. Learning by doing.  

Having said that, I also do know that there is always the very small exceptional case to every sure thing and rule. I for one can say that I am blessed with a boss that, although does not have children yet, really is extremely supportive and understanding. She was the the next person we told we were pregnant after our parents and sister and best friend, and this tells you just how much trust and what an awesome relationship I have with her. We shared our news already at 3 weeks of pregnancy and kept it a secret until month 3 thereafter! 

And at the end of the day, I do think its a pivotal moment when you start drawing from your own pool of knowledge, strength and advise, instead of dipping into what you can read up about, for it is then that you realize how much being a parent has taught you. Parents do make better leaders because of that.  ♥ 

Blog Photo Attribution: By Corey Seeman, cseeman
Blog Photo 2 Attribution: By @Doug88888
Blog Photo 3 Attribution: By LN
Blog Photo 4 Attribution: By  Natt Muangsiri, Two Steps Behind
 

1st Birthday preparations, Traditions and Toys

Planning a birthday party, some might say is straight forward. Initially I THOUGHT it would be straight forward too, until I started receiving all these snippets of mails in my inbox. They spoke of themes, sending out invitations, what is too much for a baby and what is not, about favors, goodies for the daycare and teachers, decorations and so forth. 

WHAT?!?!?

It is then that I realized the days of a plain old chocolate cake with a candle on top were over and I would need to investigate and research a little deeper. 

Those of you that know me a little better know that I am absolutely a planner by nature. I love to plan things, and I really mean ALL things. From a vacation, a weekend away, a meal, a birthday etc. I like to plan! You could say I am a "professional extreme planner" of sorts, and so I do not like any unexpected occurrences. It does not mean I cannot handle them in my stride should anything occur, I just REALLY prefer to avoid any nasty surprises. These typically include unexpected visits {{with the exception of an old time friend where this does not bother me, Francois de Jager. I guess this is because he has seen us with crazy hair in the morning etc and never judged any situation}}, a party that turns into a sleep over, a short notice braai invitation, an adhoc meeting, etc. For me, planning is all about the assessment of each situation, planning the course and analyzing the possible outcome, discovering multiple options and choosing the best means for me. So perhaps now some of you might have had an ah-hah moment...... “OK, that explains Denise”. 

So I was very grateful to have received the email snippets and reminders regarding our son's first birthday way in advance, and I made it my new mission to start planning our angel’s very first big day.

Choosing a Theme: 

Right, this was easy. Already for a few weeks now, we had been calling our little man "monkey" as he was just an absolute clown that does not sit still. After a bit of "googling" for images, blogs and party websites I could see this could work.

Invitation: 

With a decided theme, it was easy to create something on PowerPoint. After reading up a bit more and getting to understand and know how our little man ticks, we decided to only invite closest family to the big event. Over and above that there is a general recommendation to avoid a major routine change and possible over stimulation, so the plan was to arrange a small and intimate get together which would not last much longer than say 1-1.5 hours, but since we only had a few people around, we decided to extend this to a few hours after his last afternoon nap. 

Cake/ Food:

Choices, choices, choices. Cake pops, cupcakes, cakes, pastries, muffins, there were oh so many choices. I started getting in some quotes after finding some designs around the chosen theme I liked and was shocked at what it cost. The first quote came in at R1195 for the cake alone, the next one R985! I started pondering, so this is his 1st birthday, we specifically waited to start a family until we could really afford it and we do want to have memories that we can cherish forever. Then I remembered that we have a talented girl at work that does cakes/ cupcakes etc and her quote came in at less than half and she confirmed she would be able to complete the cake for R400 and cupcakes at R10 each. YES! Done deal. :)  I was a happy camper again. 

Decorations:

The decorations of our outside area were simple and colorful. Some balloons, streamers, little stuffed toy monkeys, birthday cakes and we were done. My mother is more creative than me in this regard and assisted gladly :)
 

So we were all ready and prepared for Keyan's big day. Oh no! WAIT! We had not even discussed and decided which traditions we want to follow in our new family and we had no gifts for our monkey. 














Traditions:
Traditions are so important and something that is so special. Some traditions are taken from one's childhood and memories and others are made new. A social custom or practice that is repeated and hoped to be passed down in generations to come. For us, traditions around birthday, Easter, St Nikolaus and Christmas have always been important, even before Keyan was born. And while each of those days holds a special meaning, I feel it is important to celebrate not only that aspect, but to spoil your loved and special one's. Whether one is able to celebrate together or is far apart, that does not matter. In this day and age distance is relative thanks to Skype, WhatsApp, Telephones and the Internet. 

For our family, we decided that we want to celebrate all our children's, pets and our birthdays by waking up the person on their special day with a candle, Happy Birthday song, followed by gift opening and a big party the rest of the day. 



Toys:
As the last preparation, we wanted to get him some nice gifts. He had long outgrown some of his existing baby toys such as rattles and it was time to add some new items to his toy box. Just recently I read a very interesting article again that children learn through play and so off we went to Toys R Us. Most of you will know this store, it is not only in South Africa. Each time I go there, I come back exhausted and overwhelmed by the choices and amount of toys available. So what should a 12 month old have in his toy box to develop? This was easy:

1. Books (hardcover with lots of pictures)
2. Mega Blocks (similar to Lego but the bigger ones that one can stack)
3. Jumbo Puzzles
4. Bathtub toys are always a winner ( either some that can be stuck against the side of the tub or where water can be transferred from one holder to the other)
5. Little car or bike they can drive, push and sit on
6. Balls
7. Stacking toys
8. Shape sorter (the ones where shapes fit into precut holes)
9. Play table
10. Musical toys

The above will develop fine and gross motor skills: reaching, grasping, crawling, running, climbing and balancing as well as handling of small toys. Other skills include development of using both hands together and listening skills. Cognitive skills: problem solving, memory development, learning of colors, numbers and shapes and enhancement of concentration ability. For well rounded child development, playing is essential so DO invest in good quality toys. 

That was the last thing needed to prepare a birthday to be remembered for years to come. And let me tell you, our little man had the time of his life. I will dedicate the next blog hereafter to posting photo's of his day so that we all can remember and you all can share it with us.

Keep well, until the next blog.  

Blog Photo Attribution: By akadruid
Blog Photo 2 Attribution: By Photo_oto
Blog Photo 3 Attribution: By Wendy Brolga
Blog Photo 4 Attribution: By  Lori Ann, simplyla